March 2013 I stepped out of the shower and noticed a dimple on my right breast. After a mammogram on April 23rd and a biopsy a few days later (on my 45th birthday no less) they left a 'clip' in me and it confirmed my fears. May 3rd I received the news I had stage 2 invasive ductal carcinoma.
I found myself in denial, feeling like I should be able to just use the tools I teach and move on. And even though I had a deep knowing that everything would work out fine, I found myself quite emotional, without the ability to concentrate or think about anything else. Not surprising. It’s so much easier helping others through things like this and telling people to be kind to themselves and let themselves feel and be with their emotions etc…and I realized it was time to allow myself to do the same.
It’s been an interesting journey exploring my feelings and fears. It’s amazing to me how hard I can be on myself. Not only about what I was eating and drinking but also what I was feeling and thinking. I thought because after my lumpectomy (June 19th) and my tumor was downgraded to stage 1, I would be happy. I wasn’t going to die, so I shouldn’t be scared. Well I was scared and not happy.
I'm under construction right now. I decided to have both breasts removed and ‘expanders’ inserted to prepare for reconstruction because I knew I would be worried about the cancer returning. For me, the double mastectomy and reconstruction was the best decision I could have made. My report came back that I had more invasive and ductal cancer in the same breast, as well, precancerous tumors in the left. What a great confirmation that what I did was right for me.
It’s been 8 months since my diagnosis and I am finally feeling like I’m coming out the other side of this. I’ve found many gifts in this journey and feel so blessed to have such incredibly supportive friends and family!
Washago, Canada
