When I was told that I needed to have a lumpectomy following a confirmed diagnosis of cancer from a needle biopsy, I was petrified. As a tear came from my eye, the doctor leaned forward and said, "I know what you're going through, dear." I felt relief at her words and looked at her and asked about her lumpectomy. She said, "Oh no, I've never had a lumpectomy." I asked when her needle biopsy was and again, she responded the same. As she went on about what to expect from the surgery, I interrupted her and said, "Wait. You just said you understood what I was going through, yet you haven't had any cancer or surgery or abnormal mammogram. How then can you know what t I'm going through? I thought you were sincere with your words." She took a breath and continued on with what I could expect from the surgery. I left her office and went home.
When I got there, there was a call from her which I returned. When she picked up, she said she hadn't realized how often she said those words to try to comfort patients as she gave them their results and never had anyone ever responded the way in which I had. I told her I truly believed she had been through this and I wasn't trying to be problematic. She said she realized that by the look in my eyes. She told me that I taught her something about herself and she would never say that to another patient again. She then said that I made her a better doctor that day.
I am glad she had the intelligence to not be offended and dismissive but instead she would be more careful when giving this news to others in the future.
Hamden, CT