When I was diagnosed with breast cancer it scared the crap out of me. My mom told me I could beat it as long as I kept a positive attitude and just let God take care me. So I made up my mind to laugh. I decided to get a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy because I did not want to walk in circles. I have large breast and the loss of one would have thrown my body into orbiting around the other boob. Plus I still have not given up hope of getting a job at Hooters some day. Of course I would only be able to work part-time and serve half portions because one boob is good and the other is tainted. A friend and I have talked about starting a charity for breast cancer reconstruction surgery. We are going to call it "Boobs for Babes." Our slogan is going to be "Tit-4-Tat, Boobies Shouldn't Be Flat." You know men all over the world will be more than happy to donate money to a charity that pays for boob jobs. I started a family trend because not long after my diagnosis my aunt had to join the Tainted Ta-Ta's Club. She decided to have a mastectomy. I told her to be sure and wear a floatie on her right arm when she went swimming to keep balance in the water. Otherwise she will look like a fishing bobber bobbing up and down. A couple of things I hate about having breast cancer is the NND (Naked Noggin Disease) and AI (Anal Issues). I need to purchase stock in Imodium and Preparation H. The manufacturer of those products shouldn't need a government bailout anytime soon thanks to me. So in the tune of the Mickey Mouse song "C-A-N-C-E-R S-U-C-K-S".

Tina Beeler
Bono, AR