I was 46 yrs old, in 2005, when I heard the phrase...."You have cancer". As a 25 yr Oncology RN, I was ANGRY! Had spent 25 yrs taking care of cancer pts... How can it be me??? It's not fair!! But it was me...My mother had had breast cancer. I was so scared. I was in a horrible marriage, drinking to escape. Now that I had been handed a "death sentence", convinced I was going to die, and deserved to die, my drinking soared. No one wanted to be around me I had, what was supposed to be, a lumpectomy..My surgeon missed a "bleeder" and 24 hrs after being home, the remaining breast was hugely swollen with blood. Second surgery was immediate, only now, they had to remove a lot more of the breast. Ended up with a partial mastectomy w/ drains in my back. The day we got home, we had to evacuate the Gulf Coast due to Hurricane Rita. Eventually I healed....and pissed at God because I didn't die. I was miserable in my own skin, an alcoholic who just wanted the pain to end. I plugged on in the marriage...my husband wouldn't even take me to my treatments. I was exhausted, and my home life was intolerable. So, so angry that God wouldn't let me just die! When I finally figured out I was going to survive, despite my efforts, something changed in me. I found AA, got sober, and discovered who I was. Divorced my husband and
haven't had a drink since. Now have 7 yrs sobriety. I made up with God, was re-baptized in my church. Found a man that doesn't think I'm "deformed", my exes words..I used to think I was a victim. I am much more than that!! I am a survivor !!
I do hospice nursing now. I celebrate being a survivor every yr at the Relay for Life. It reminds me that I can overcome anything!! I concluded that God gave me a Test of Faith. I hope I made Him proud!
Dallas, TX
