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My Feelings

Brendas Feelings

it in the first place...I guess I just need them all a tad longer than expected. I have never been someone who thinks negatively — I have always focused on the positives. I never had too many anxieties or worries,, and never held onto stresses for too long.
I would always figure out what needed to be done and then did the best I could to move on, happy and worry-free. But now, not so much. I worry about my health, along with every ache and pain. I think about all the possibilities of what could attack my body. I think about my hubby, and my family.
I think about cancer finding its way back into my life. Although I am a strong person and live a healthy lifestyle, I feel vulnerable all the time. What if the cancer never left? I sometimes fear that it will never be gone. Is anyone ever truly "cancer-free?
"How do you explain to your loved ones that it isn't as easy as it seems, when they say "Get over it", "Don't think that", or "It's gone, so focus on that". Yes, we try to do that, but without wanting it, we think of the negative and darker stuff and especially of all those "what if's." Then we struggle with the guilt of thinking those negative thoughts, so we start to lie when asked "How are you doing?"
If you ask me how I'm doing, and I answer honestly by telling you that I'm worried, please accept my answer. You asked and I answered. It might not be all sunshine, rainbows or fluffy puppies but it is where I am at.
Yes I am grateful for my life and my health but I want to be OK with this second stage of feeling scared, worried, and anxious. I can't quite explain why these thoughts are poisoning my mind but I want to be allowed to go through this part and hope I can continue to have the same support I had at the beginning. My support systems are what got me through

Brenda Bremner
Newcastle upon Tyne, United Kingdom

My story

I am 31 years old. Back in September 2014 I had noticed that my right breast started to look noticeably different than my left. I felt around and discovered something hard near my nipple. I really didn't know what I was supposed to be feeling for, so I had my husband feel it as well. He encouraged me to get it checked right away. I was going to postpone until my next cervical exam, but something in the back of my mind kept insisting to listen to my husband. I finally made the appointment and went to the radiology department on October 20, 2014. After 3 hours of ultrasound, mammograms, and biopsy, it was confirmed to be cancer. The official diagnosis after 2 surgeries is stage IIb invasive carcinoma with mixed ductal and lobular features. It spread to 2 lymph nodes plus some surrounding tissues, thus requiring the 2nd surgery lymph node dissection. I will start chemo in about 4 weeks, to be followed by radiation. I believe that the mind is more powerful than the body, and I have drawn my strength from the power of positive thinking, and from all the love and support from my friends, family, and co-workers. I fight for my husband and three children, ages 11, 3 and 2. I fight for and give hope to all the women out there that are in the same boat as I am in. And ladies, please do your self-checks regularly and pass this powerful knowledge on to your daughters as well.

Tracy Garcia
Sacramento, CA

Feisty redhead

My name is Tonya. I'm a mother of 2 great boy's Zachary and Myles. After I had my last son. I almost died. To find out I had stage 3 Ovarian Cancer I was only 23 year's old. I thought my life was over. After major surgery I survived that cancer. Then in 2009 I was diagnosis with Breast Cancer. Again I was thinking what am I going to do? My older son Zachary told me that I was the strongest women he know and I could do it. Well it's now 2014. I have had 8 operations and I hope only 1 more to go to be cancer free. The way I look at things is. I'm not giving up. Everything I got dealt with has made me a stronger person. I have my boy's, a strong family and the love of my life by myside. I can do anything that gets in my way. I now look at it as not the end. It's just a bump in the road. I will go over it and keep on going. One thing I would like to say to other Women and Men going through Breast Cancer. Life throws everyone something we just caught this. Think of something or someone that always makes you smile and feel good. On the day's that are bad. Always remember what makes you smile. Mine is my son's. I hope this can help someone as it did me.

Tonya Chmielorz
Manchester, NH

Breast Cancer: It Happened to Me.

At age 58, I went in to get my annual mammogram and bone density scan on Friday, August 15, 2014. While receiving my mammogram, the technician looked at her screen and back at me a couple times which seemed a little unnerving to me. Later, I would realize that she was seeing something new on this year's X-ray compared to last year's. I got the dreaded call that no one wants to get, that a small 1.8 mil (the size of a pencil eraser) cancerous mass was discovered on my right breast and a biopsy was scheduled for the following Friday. It came back positive and I learned that I had invasive ductal carcinoma. Needless to say, the call was shocking as there is no breast cancer history in my immediate family, only with distant relatives. Plus, I wasn't able to feel the lump during my self exams. I had consultation appointments with my doctors and surgeon and an MRI done in September. I had a lumpectomy and lymph node biopsy done on October 6th. Thankfully, my lymph nodes and tissue around the cancerous mass was clear of cancer. I'm currently, being treated with whole breast radiation which will be completed by the end of December. I am a survivor. I can not stress enough how important it is to go in regularly and get your mammogram. I would not have known I had cancer if I hadn't had my annual mammogram last August. It saves lives.

Judy Kay Houser
Noble, OK

your gonna lose that breast

I had a lil discharge in my right nipple I November of 2012 ,I didn't really think anything of it .I had no pain and 5 months later my whole breast was a big hard lump my nipple was inverted.I was like wow I was scared .I really didn't think it was cancer.I went to the doctor and he took one look at it and said you know your gonna lose that breast.I just started to cry and told my husband I had had breast cancer.I had a radical mastectomy,my mental state through all this is not good,it is very hard for Mr let my husband look at me sexually.I hate looking at my self in the mirror I just want to smash all of the mirrors in my house.my husband was my rock going through all of this madness,I had 4 months of chemo and 2 months of radiation.my husband is just glad I'm alive and so am I ,but he doesn't understand how it took my self confidence ,I always was a skinny no butt no boob girl anyways the older I got the note I filled out ,I will be 50 in 2 weeks .im waiting on being reconstructed now ,its been just a little over a year I had my surgery.next month I will be cancer free for a year.I ended my radiation this past July.I have to wait a year after all treatment to start reconstruction ,being I had cancer cells .thank you for letting me tell my story good luck to all of us survivors and god be with you Andrea colwell in s.c.

Andrea colwell
manning, SC

My mothers story

This is my Mother, young and beautiful and full of life. I remember the phone call i got that my mother was in the hospital. When i went up to see her she looked quite ill, like i have never seen her before. She was diagnosed with stage lV breast cancer. The cancer had spread to her lungs, filling them with fluid. she was hospitalized for quite some time before doctors have given us her final diagnosis which they expected her to only live for 3 more months. our lives were shattered. My mother is only 52 years old and this probably could have been cured if she visited a doctor more often and caught it at an earlier stage. Mother started to look better after awhile, she had the most amazing spirit and strength and she had this beautiful glow to her i swear it looked like she was getting younger..i was so proud of her. She fought a long hard battle. she went for chemotherapy treatments and after radiation. Her doctor told us the cancer obviously could not be cured but it looked to be controlled and not spreading any further. After a second opinion we were told it spread to her spine and bones.. what a great doctor huh? She still fought being wheelchair bound and all she was still in great spirit..I lost my mother October 11 2014 but She lived 8 months longer than expected. This isnt meant to scare anyone but to give hope. here was a woman that doctors said there was absolutely no hope for and her amazing spirit gave her more time with family. Also a reminder to get those MAMMOGRAMS and please take care of yourselves!

Jennifer
GLENDALE, NY

Cancer de mama

Hola soy Lizeth Alanis tengo 40 añitos, yo soy sobreviviente de cancer de mama, en el 2012 desidi hacer ejercisio porque estaba pasadita de peso, llege a bajar 30 libras y gracias a eso me detecte una bolita en el seno derecho, la verdad lo deje a la desidia pensando que habia echo mal un ejercicio o simplemente algun cambio hormonal etc. , desido ir al doctor y me hacen todos los estudios y salio positvio. Fue algo muy dificl ya que cuando te dicen tienes cancer el mundo se te viene para abajo y pensamos me voy a morir, fueron 8 quimoterapias que se volvieron 11 ya que mi pancreas e higado se estaban dañando, fue cuando la dr. me dijo que no podia tomar nada para el dolor, recuerdo ese dia, que voltie hacia el cielo y le digo: diosito ayudame a aguantar o mandamelas mas sauves, despues de esto siguio la cirugia fue una maxectomia del lado derecho y al mes empese las radiaciones ,33, gracias a mi padre dios,a mi esposo y mis hijas, salimos de esta. Termine mi tratamiento el 20 de marzo del 2013, segui mi vida normal claro haciendo ejercisio, en marzo del 2014 yo vi un accidente automovilistico y me detube ayudar a la familia gracias a eso me dolio mucho mi brazo derecho y me senti una bolita le hablo a la doctora y despues de unos examenes para mi mala suerte otra ves CANCER del mismo lado, lo dificil fue contarle a mi esposo nos abrazamos muy fuerte por mucho tiempo y el me decia: "Cielo, vamos a salir de esta, y yo le dije claro".Ahora el problema era hablar con mis hijas, de 15 y 13 años ellas lloraron mucho, suspire y les digo: mis hijas si pasamos la primera, porque no pasar la segunda. Fueron 8 quimoterapias, cirugia y radiacciones dos diarias por 3 semanas y gracias a dios y a mi familia por su apoyo aqui estoy, y ahora yo puedo decir YO SOY SOBREVIVIENTE DE CANCER POR SEGUNDA VEZ

Lizeth Alanis
West Olive, MI

Fight Like a Girl

My story began on September 4, 2014 during my annual mammorgram appointment. The technician was taking several more images of my left breast than normal and at that time I knew something was not right. The following day I received a telephone call to come back in for more images. Following more images, an ultrasound, and a neddle biopsy on September 19th I did receive the call with the unwanted words, "you do have breast cancer." I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma. Being a healthy woman in her 50s who takes no medication and no breast cancer history in my immediate family it certainly came as a shock to me. I was quick to adopt my new motto, "FIght Like a Girl."

Without hesitation I went to Boston to seek a second opinion and agreed to genectic testing to rule out risks for my daughter and granddaughter. The results were favorable and though I know they can as well develop breast cancer it is good to know the results were negative. Further testing includng an MRI and second biopsy identified a second tumor now on my right breast. After much consideration, I did take my surgeons advise to have a lumpectomy on each breast along with removal of lymph nodes. The surgery was completed on November 18th and the results are as good as they could be. The left tumor was completely removed with clear margins, the nodes are clear, and the right side tumor was A typical (non cancerous).

The overwhelming love and care expressed by family and friends has been the strength guiding me through this life challenge presented to me. My husband has been my rock and by my side for every appointment and procedure. I will be forever grateful for the support expressed by all. Now on to phase 2 which will include 4-6 weeks of radiation. Chemotherapy has yet to be ruled out and will be a topic of discussion at my follow up appointment. Regardless of treatment needed I will continue to Fight Like a Girl throughout this journey.

Rachel Grenier
Sabattus, ME

My Husband Saved My Life

August 2014 my husband found a lump on my right breast. I thought he was he was messing with me and paid no attention to it. I honestly didn't think about it until a couple of days later when I felt the lump for myself. The doctor thought it was an inflammatory infection due to my menstrual cycle and gave me antibiotics. I left and went on with my life, however, those antibiotics didn't help. The lump never went away. I went back, never thinking it could be Cancer. I was only 32, with no family history. No way it was cancer
. I had an ultrasound, followed by a painful biopsy and a mammogram. Then on September 22, 2014 I received the call that literally stopped everything. As I sat at my desk, at work, I was told that my biopsy came back positive. Positive......
I remember asking "positive for what?" still not truly grasping the idea of cancer. But when I heard "positive for cancer" I lost it..I kept saying "but I'm only 32.... what now?" I just didn't know what to do.
The days following, I was in disbelief. I was waiting for someone to say that they made a mistake, but that day never came. After MRI's and PET scans and meetings with surgeons I decided that I never wanted to deal with this again. Cancer was controlling every part of my life and I hated that. I made a difficult decision but I wanted to take control back of my life, and on November 12, 2014, I went in for a double mastectomy. I was diagnosed Stage 1A. Which I strongly feel was because of my husband. He saved my life. God only knows how long I would have gone without noticing it.
It's been about a month since my surgery and I will start 4 rounds of chemo soon, followed by 5-6 weeks of radiation. I'm scared but I've gone this far.... I'm going to fight with everything I have. I'm going through this for a reason... I guess someday I'll find out why.

TeamSegura
Las Vegas, NV

Survivor again

I never thought my life would change so drastically, when, after a surgical biopsy found a malignant tumor in my right breast in September 2013. I'll say upfront that I am single and pretty much on my own in life. But my dad and mother are still going strong and I couldn't have done treatment without them. The tumor was small and at first only radiation was suggested. The crux of my story is that I was born breech with the cord asfixiating me and that accident left me with the ambiguously named condition, cerebral palsy. Medically, it is called anoxia. My Onca score for recurrence was very high. Chemo was set up. Because of the anoxia and the way it affects my muscles, I have some strong pain medications. After my first chemo infusion I had many of the rough side effects. But the worst was having my strength totally zapped, to the point I was crawling and couldn't prepare food or really run my house. My dad and mother kindly let me stay with them. One evening I could barely talk or breathe so I needed the ER. Chemotherapy was stopped. I began radiation in March of 2014 and drove myself to and from, every day, 22 miles round trip. About 4 days after my last radiation, and I was very happy, I noticed I was very fatigued. I researchied it and I found that fatigue was typical. PT was hard work, especially in the beginning but it took about 6- 7 weeks and I was even strong enough to begin going to our Gym to work. It is hard alone and it is hard with both anoxia/cerebral palsy.. I am grateful to so many who, like a 'village', helped out in different ways. It scares me some that at 52 I am still alone/single but even wth my cerebral palsy can still run my own house and work, though I work less. I take pleasure in every day, try new things and always try to seize the day. I feel like a 2 time survivor.

Anonymous
Shippensburg, PA