I sat in a conferance room waiting to get the results that I already knew. I suddenly went back to when the Doctor first brought autism into my life, just before Cammy's second birthday, I had known the diagnosis like now before I'd even walked in but hearing it out loud was something I hadn't to this day been able to adjust to. But here I was waiting to hear that my second youngest had the same hard road as my baby did. I'm a researcher I always have been, when the world gets tough and to much to handle statistics were always there, always percise. You always knew what you were in for the numbers and information didn't sugarcoat. I needed answers, being raised by a single mom of four with a low income my boys had quite the list of things against them already and then to add to it. I buried myself in research not dealing with life around me I needed to know, mostly I needed to know I wasn't to blame. I lived everyday reading, studying, hating when others called me strong, I didn't feel it every meltdown I wanted to break than I found the answers but not in the books I combed through in myself. Out of four children they were all given the same care, same physicians, same love, everything was the exact same but two had autism. I don't blame the lists of excuses as parents of children with special needs are given I don't blame anything. My boys will never recieve the miracle cure that the rich and famous had and I'm ok with that. Autism didn't ruin my life, it gave it back to me. I had stopped appreciating my life long before I'd had children. It gave me a life where I enjoyed the little things I don't hold grudges or get angry anymore. I see beauty in everything. I smile, laugh and love more. I was given the true meaning of unconditional love, faith and hope for the future. I have the answers I needed now.

Brooke Butler
Anderson, IN