When I met my husband, everything appeared "normal". We shared so many interests we could speak for hours. After we married, and he was no longer courting me, something changed ... his attention. I analogize it to a lighthouse, the light just turned and left me in the dark for long periods of time. This was back in 1999, and in the US AS had just been added to the Autism Spectrum (1996). We struggled for 18 months until I stood at the edge: either this jerk get therapy, or I was leaving.
After an additional 18 months of evaluation his specialist told him it is Asperger's Syndrome. When he came home with the evaluation, he hung his head and said, "You didn't sign on for this, if you want a divorce, I'll give it to you." These are not the words of a jerk; and this was(is) the man I love. His therapist started working with him to understand how his A-typical brain worked and perceived the world differently from a typical brain (and, a woman's typical brain). I saw a separate AS specialist to learn how his brain worked, how to listen, interrupt and to get my needs understood. This spanned an additional 8 years; but they were good years because we were working for our marriage, our love.
Okay, this wasn't easy, and there was no help from family who just didn't get it: "All marriages are tough." Right. We started to build what we affectionately call the file draw so he could start to read my moods and relate them to his own sentiments. We built our own communication skills. He also applied his new understandings to the outside world and has become a well liked, respected member of the community and one cannot measure the positive difference in his professional life.
It's been thirteen years and we are very happy together: we do not have a typical marriage, we have a great marriage.
As they say, you've met an Aspie, you've met ONE Aspie.
Love you Honey.
Northport, NY